Friends come and go. And sometimes, even the best ones go, never to return again. In this heartfelt story about the bonds of friendship, recounts the moments surrounding the loss of someone dear in memory of a love that has remained long after the body has decayed.
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The late Ramnath, a truly amazing friend l Photo by Sanjey Balaraman
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Edna Buchanan once said:
Friends are the family we choose for ourselves
And so it was on the 17th of December 2011 when I exactly understood the meaning of friendship. When I understood the importance of telling my friends how much I love them. When I understood the pain of losing a friend forever.
It was 9.11 am. My phone vibrated and I received a message from one of my best friends, Ramanan: “Ramnath has passed away.” Then Pirakkesh, another best friend, called and told me that Ramnath is no more with us. Knowing that a friend of mine has committed suicide – one close to me since secondary school – was just too much. Tears rolled down my cheeks.
His family know's him since his birth, there are friends who knew him since kindergarten. Even-though I only knew him for like 4 years, I knew him so well. Each and every detail of him. No one could have known him like I did. I meet him when we were 14. We teenagers tend to be different at school and home. We show our real character only to our friends. So some might claim they have been with him for so long but no one could have known him like I did. The saddest part of all was he never showed or indicated that he was in deep depression, or anything for me to digest with as a reason for his suicide.
Upon, hearing the news I rushed back to Sungai Petani. I can't even believe how the hell could I reach SP in less than 30 minutes. I can't concentrate of anything while driving. I was driving alone and memories kept playing on my mind. I stopped at a petrol-station to fill petrol and Pirakkesh called; both of us were silent on both end for minutes and I could hear him weeping on the other end. I was at Ramnath's house at about 10am. I can't explain the feelings when I saw his parents crying. His body arrived at about 3.30pm.
Ramnath, you were there, lying helplessly and not breathing. Your skin was cold, your cheeks, so stiff, and your lips, blue.
All of us were speechless. Crying. But there was simply nothing we could do to bring you to life again.
I cried, my best friends cried. One of our very own had left us without saying goodbye. And it was too painful. It was too much.
I had hoped for you to awaken so that I could tease you again. So that I could hear you laugh again. So that I could tell you how much I love you because I did not do so when you were still alive. And, yes, I regret not doing so, my friend.
His last words to me was "take care da dei, and poi tungeda" (He told me this and the end of his prank call fail at 2.30am)
p/s: I usually won't answer call after 1.00am and from unknown number's but on that day I did. I was at the gym and my hp was so far away. It was a miracle I answered the call.
I miss you, Ramnath.
Forget about your lists and do what you can because that’s all you can do.
Phone up the people you miss and tell them you love them.
Hug those close to you as hard as you can.
Because you are always only a drunk driver’s stupidity,
a nervous shopkeeper’s mistake,
a doctor’s best attempts and an old age away from forever.
(It’s something I wrote in honour of you.)